no clothing with aggressive disrespectful logs

So nothing like…

192.168.114.201, -, 03/20/01, 7:55:20, W3SVC2, SERVER, 172.21.13.45, 4502, 163, 3223, 200, 0, GETBENT, /goatse.gif, -,

… that?

(Oh, you mean the wooden kind…?)

That whole dress code thing “aimed” at the kids always pisses me off. Is it too politically incorrect to say to the parents they could act less like children themselves and say NO to a belly baring, mini who-ha thing that looks like it belongs on Bratz doll while look like mini hookers anyway.

We are still, thank goodness, years away from that kind of thing but I fear it. I was a crazy teenager who wore my grandfathers pants and my grandmothers beaded sweaters to school. So I kind of figure I am in for it.

As an aside but along the same lines, my son’s old school use to give detention for kids that were not in proper uniform. Is it really a 7 year old’s fault if they are not in uniform? Really?

Insofar as I was exposed to rules about dress, which usually was in a religious context, the rules, like were entirely focused upon the girls and containing their sexuality.

Which had a strange affect upon me. It left me feeling on a deep level that the bodies of boys and men were somehow not beautiful or desirable enough to keep contained. I don’t know if other boys get this subliminal message, but it is an interesting bit of fallout…

Your points make perfect sense to me — it is enormously disturbing to see how many messages there are to young girls about their sexuality that are just not that helpful in becoming a healthy, mature sexual person.

But, that said, I don’t see that this is really that skewed against the girls given current fashion trends among teen boys and girls. What other rules involving clothes should have been included for boys? Maybe this isn’t the best approach to take, but I can’t think of too many rules for teenage boys other than no visible underwear and/or no pants worn below the butt, must have footware, no disrespectful language/logos. One could say that the no see-thru, no midriffs and no short shorts rules could apply to them as well, though I think it is unlikely in actuality that those would be necessary for the boys.

Maybe because it was a private school, my son’s school could get away with the vagueness of ‘neat, appropriate and modest’; the school’s philosophy was to give the kids enough leeway to screw up, be there to guide them along the way, gently reprimand when they do mess up, and let them figure it out. Most did. But, maybe because socieity is so litigious, some schools, esp if public, feel that they have to spell it out. I too wish that young girls would learn that they don’t need to objectify themselves. Let’s face it: they can do so even following the posted rules. As someone who has cleavage in just about anything but a turtleneck, I bristle at the vagueness of that rule. A flat-chested teen could easily wear something that one of her bustier classmates would get kicked out of the dance for. But, clearly there is a difference between appropriate and inappropriate. Where I think that some teens have problems with knowing the difference is because of the styles they see promoted in the media by celebrities. I don’t like little girls looking like tarts, and while I want them to find their own way, I don’t know how you go about doing that in some situations where clarity is necessary and for whatever reasons, the powers that be don’t feel comfortable allowing a lot of room for interpretation.

Now, get me going about that young woman kicked off the SouthWest Airlines flight for not wearing something ‘appropriate for a family airline’ and I’ll be right there with you defending her right to wear what she had. I had no problems with her outfit, but would allow just about anything short of an exotic dancer costume. She was an adult and there are NO written rules regarding dress for any US airline. Clearly this was a violation of her rights. But Jr High is different. I don’t know that I can defend it legally; I just feel that it is.

BTW — I think your added rules for boys sound great — and just as important as the appropriate clothing.

Thanks for the intriguing conversation.

Hey TIV: Ha! Yes, they are awfully specific, aren’t they?

Hey Emily — I’m actually still crafting my own set of boy rules. A lot of them have to do with personal hygiene.

Erin, I don’t think your reaction is conservative in the least. It is extremely important to communicate to children how context and behavior interact. You don’t want to send them out into the world unable to negotiate things like that. And I think you are right to focus on this as maybe more an issue between parents and children — because really it’s most likely that a parent will be the right person to explain to a child how a particular outfit registers socially in a particular way — for example, ripped jeans at a grandmother’s funeral signal disrespect. But it was the length of the rules, the focus on young women’s bodies, and the absence of much that has to do with young men’s behavior — the whole schmear, I mean — that got my attention here.

That social ritual, Tai, is one I treasure. I will not catalogue my fashion mistakes right now, but will just say it is lengthy list indeed.

Cam, What a terrific son you have and yes, clean and appropriate pretty much covers it for me. I’m not sure though that current fashion explains this set of rules or the impulse behind it — I remember my mother measuring my sister’s skirt back in 1969 — a skirt that wasn’t particularly shocking even then, and certainly pretty staid now. But then again, yes, current adolescent fashion can be incredibly tarty. That said, though, I love the way some girls take those trends and completely make them their own — adding great scary boots, or interesting tights, or insane hair. It’s complicated, isn’t it?

I think that allowing girls a somewhat free reign with their clothing (and bodies) is an important step in growing up. I loved my halter tops, spaghetti straps, and hip huggers (that, if I wasn’t careful, made my butt hang out). I slowly learned a lot about my body, my style, and what I did and did not feel comfortable in. I also didn’t get into any “sexual trouble” for the clothes that I wore, so I am very much an advocate for that kind of freedom.

That said, there is a fine line. I’m not a mommy yet, but I can only believe that when I am, I will also have some sort of dress code. I don’t think that midriff-bearing tops are appropriate in all situations, nor are those shirt with necklines so low that you can see a belly button. Adolescent children are still children: they need guidance and help. If they were all ready to live on their own, make decisions on their own, and survive completely on their own, legal age would be 14. It’s not.

Reading over, I realize that I sound so conservative here… it kind of scares me.