Gail — what an eloquent plea for sanity in an overly- sexualized world. Thank you for that reminder.

Dear Tai — a pair of pliers is just the weapon I’d be using now.

LK, It’s true. So much repression. Not good. (SF trip was really fun. More on that later.)

Jane, How crazy is that? To criminalize the provision of a service but not the purchase of it. Sounds very male-oriented. As for the gay as adjective question, if I can think of something sufficiently clear to say about that, I will.

Polaris — Yes, they are all over any HINT of hypocrisy. it is what you do when you are a twelve year old boy apparently. And I think it goes on FOREVER.

Ann, Lucky you, not to live where the Spitzer story is everywhere!

i’m quite amazed and perturbed by the Spitzer fall into addiction (i call it this, without reference to authority, but only because, like Bill Clinton, his actions seem so contrary and harmful to what he wants and how he thought of himself.)

having discovered by own spouse’s infidelity, i do wonder what takes over in some lives at some points…my ex, when he could see his mother dying and his 65th birthday on the horizon, and my own vulnerability to cancer. Would I leave him?

it seems a kind of madness. a last grasp at youth or freedom or adventure or just plain blind lizard brain activity. the problem is of course how many people bad behavior hurts. spouses, families, yes AND also hurts the idea of love, the possibility of living happily ever after, of being honorable even when it’s hard, the keeping secrets and telling lies. And as we cast aside the principled relationship, it’s not just our own families that are hurt, but the fabric of our social world that also wants to try for the ideals of honesty and of love forever, that includes and also goes beyond physical love into what it takes to be intimate and safe in that intimacy.

safety? can we create it? it’s an unsafe world. can we make it more safe by promises and determination and grit? and what happens when one or the other person changes? beyond, perhaps the bounds of the relationship. What then?

Spitzer joins a long line of hypocrites, doesn’t he? Very sad. I think that this country has got to revisit and re-examine its puritanical roots.

Oh, I look forward to hearing more about your SF trip. Sounds like you did some very fun things!

ROFL! Somebody is being very very perceptive here. Try wiggling out of that one, Lawyer Mom .

U-dad, my husband used to send me flowers at work pretty routinely until I did one of those potatoes for flowers things. I think I was stunned by the cost, but really, he seemed to get so much pleasure out of the giving of the gift, and they were always such beautiful flowers, that maybe I need to go back and revise that statement.

Yogamum, that’s such an interesting superstition, and one I didn’t know about. I’m so glad you mentioned it.

one question that has never been sufficiently answered about something being “gay”: if something is “gay,” does that make it bad? musicals are “gay.” liking classical music and opera are “gay.” dressing well (for a man) is super, uber-gay. yet i’m not gay, but i like musicals, they symphony, and dress OK on occasion.

so if something is “gay,” i don’t think of it being pejorative, per se. of course, your kids may have to be a little older to understand my point of view…

Eliot Spitzer. His big crime in terms of US/UK politicians, of course, is getting caught at being a hypocrite.

Actually, in his family they say it is bad luck to give knives as presents, as it may “cut” the relationship.

As a first step toward “healing” I’d say a long European vacation, one that involves buying oneself high quality leather goods, would be just the thing.