Comments on: When Advil Won’t Do

By: bloglily

bloglily — Tue, 20 May 2008 16:40:00 +0000

Oh Ben, that is a REALLY long list. Currently, it involves electronic games. But I’m still drawing and holding lines! (Gum! Would that I could bribe my children with gum.)

RR — Maybe it is just in our dna to lecture. Anyway, they don’t hear it so it does not harm.

Dear Marie, I think about those future mates all the time when I’m lecturing about how the dirty clothes basket is there for a reason, that the toilet seat has a default position and it is not “up”…

TJ — Exactimundo, as we say around here.

Litlove, Well, lecturing never hurt anybody, really! It did occur to me this morning that it might be sort of fun to see what a week without a lecture looks like, but I’m not sure I could go that long.

By: Ben Daniel

Ben Daniel — Tue, 20 May 2008 15:42:53 +0000

Here’s another question that a friend and I laugh about together (like me, he also has three young kids): is there anything you do as a parent that in your pre-parental days you swore you’d never do?

I use the DVD player to keep the kids out of the kitchen while I’m cooking. He bribes his kids with gum.

By: ravenous reader

ravenous reader — Tue, 20 May 2008 12:41:24 +0000

How refreshing to read that your most fervent hope for your children’s lives is that they find the thing they love to do. I believe so much follows from that, things like happiness, fulfillment, generosity, confidence…all the those virtuous ingredients which make a better person.

In my days of childrearing, which are guite long gone, I don’t remember parents actively encouraging their children in that way. I was lucky enough to have a child who knew (nearly from birth it seemed to me) what he was passionate about. But the emphasis among his generation seemed to be how to make the most money in the least amount of time.

And, oh yes, I did the lecturing thing as well, even (as Litlove noted) when my brain was screaming at me to shut up.

By: mariegauthier

mariegauthier — Tue, 20 May 2008 01:53:04 +0000

You are the very model of doing what you love — with a mom like you, they’re sure to know what’s important. Their future mates are very lucky.

By: toujoursjacques

toujoursjacques — Mon, 19 May 2008 19:45:51 +0000

Being certain that someone loves you unconditionally does not imply they will accept all of your crap without comment (or lecture, or occasional raising of voice).

By: Litlove

Litlove — Mon, 19 May 2008 18:18:09 +0000

Bloglily, these are fabulous answers (as I knew they would be). I applaud wholeheartedly your concern for your children to find themselves, rather than become what you want them to be, and you know what, I do that lecturing thing too, even while a part of my brain advises me warmly to shut up.

By: bloglily

bloglily — Mon, 19 May 2008 17:18:02 +0000

Yogamum, There is a great song (at least in William’s view) called “I’m Bossy.” He sings it whenever I get really, really out of control. It doesn’t actually help, but it does make me laugh.

TJ, There’s a lot to be said for unconditional love. I do have to admit that there are times when I find that difficult, but then I just take a little break in my bedroom, and find that if I breathe deeply, when I come back downstairs, I’m usually feeling the love.

Ms. Orpheus, It is not easy, the finding what you love and figuring out how to support yourself so you can do it. But it is a worthier goal than making enough money to buy a hot car, if I might be judgmental for a moment.

By: yogamum

yogamum — Mon, 19 May 2008 16:06:44 +0000

I want to steal your answers. Lovely perspective.

(I am secretly relieved that you, like me, are bossy and lecture even when you know you shouldn’t.)

By: TJ

TJ — Mon, 19 May 2008 15:53:52 +0000

What a marvelous parent you are, Lily. I loved reading these heartfelt thoughts. I’m not a mother, but I do believe the most important thing is that children feel they are loved unconditionally and that they are eager for you to enjoy their successes (which is not the same as being in constant need of your approval). Bravo my new friend!

By: Dark Orpheus

Dark Orpheus — Mon, 19 May 2008 09:57:43 +0000

I noticed it is very important for you that your children find their life’s passion – and to spend their lives doing it. I have to agree – that is so important.

Many of my friends have careers that allow them the expensive cars and expensive houses – but they are so unhappy. They don’t know what they want, because they spend so much time “getting ahead” they never stopped to consider what is it that they love.

They don’t chew with their mouth closed? Oh dear.