Anyway, yeah, J&I have always shared parenting; I wouldn’t have it any other way. You can’t get any writing done if you have the kids full time, for one thing. And for another, it’s just fair. When I was a kid, all the dads had jobs, and the mothers all went slowly mad at home. A very bad system!

So many people aren’t so fortunate. Affordable child care would be nice, for starters, don’t you think?

Which is a long-winded way of saying thank you for making this very important point.

Dear Ben, I’m happy to be in your company!

RR — It’s funny how the same technology that can make it possible for people to work ALL the time, also makes it possible for them to be on the job as parents more often. What I’d like to know more about is how people manage to earn a living, AND be present in their children’s lives.

U-Dad, Balance will happen. I promise! xo,

The fact that I’m thanking you for your post in my office surrounded by four children while my wife is teaching voice lessons is, I suppose, evidence that we share some opinions and ideas about parenting. I’m very glad for the company!

Cheers,

Ben

The ability to work at home and have flexible schedules has been such a great event in the lives of parents. My son has his own business and works entirely from home, which is sometimes his bedroom office in Florida, and sometimes his in-laws home in southern Thailand. When he has children, he will be able to take part in their daily lives so much more readily than his dad was able to do.

Litlove, It’s hard work, isn’t it, figuring out how to make the whole enterprise go! And good for them, the men who pitch in and make it work.

Lila — I love that. It applies to all of us, I think. Do twice as much and then you can be sure you’re doing your share.

Charlotte — I know all about that taking over thing. Believe me, it was not stifled by the experience of having twins — it just went dormant for a little while. The thing is, when you share parenting with someone, you have to be okay with their decisions and that is just not easy. I think it’s worth it, most of the time, but occasionally I wish I could be June Cleaver, in her cute dress and be in charge of making those nice lunches and dinners and greeting my husband at the door after a day of making all the parenting decisions. Except I’d be greeting him at the door with a gun in my hand and the resulting carnage would not be a nice thing.

There isn’t much I regret having been a single parent, but I do regret that my son didn’t have the opportunity to have 2 equal parents raising him. I hope that if he should ever decide to marry and have children that his partner lays it on the line, much as you did with W, that he will be required to do the things that only his mom did as he was growing up. I hope that intuitively he knows that this is the way that it should be and that he will miss out if he doesn’t.

It is in my experience difficult to truly take measure of that flux. As my father, a sailing captain, used to say, “Always do twice as much as necessary, and then you might just have done your proper share”.

OP — Today, on my way home from work, I realized it’s the first day gay marriage ceremonies are being held and I thought about those faithful souls who can now be bonded for life and I couldn’t see driving out of the civic center parking garage because I was crying. It is indeed a blessing when people get to share that, as it is to share raising children, and not a burden (though certainly a responsibility). Thank you for reminding me of that.

I think marriages AND co-parenting require these… faithful souls, and a recognition that parenting is forever, and its oh so much easier if you have someone you can trust to take part of the load (and share the laughter.)

blessings on you both, who are already blessed (but there’s never too much, right?)
–op